Archive for August, 2009

So, why are Q twats? or: a rock nutter who wrote Exorcist music

Monday, August 31st, 2009

I know this will shock you, but, yes, I do take time out from being impeccably cool sometimes (stop that chuckling in the back) and I actually come out admitting to having tastes that everybody who knows their MGMT from their The xx and their Joe Lean from their lean beef will consider deeply, shockingly, perversely uncool.

Yes. I own every Enya album she has ever released. Also, I own Everything But The Girl CDs from their “before Missing” acoustic phase. One of my top 100 favourite albums is Simply Red’s “Stars”. I loved Pet Shop Boys before The Killers started namedropping them. And I am a major, major, major fan of Mike Oldfield.

Which is why I am deeply hurt after having read the interview he has given to Q Magazine, which in their infinite wisdom (note to Q journalists: this is a stylistic device called “irony”) they used to close their “Rock Nutters” section this month.
(more…)

Ray’s Chart | Issue 836 | 2009-08-30

Monday, August 31st, 2009

1   1   3  ONE MORE CHANCE
Bloc Party
2   5   6  BOX N’ LOCKS
Mpho

3   !   1  FORWARDS/BACKWARDS
Annie Lennox feat. DJ Earworm
4   4   4  AUDACITY OF HUGE
Simian Mobile Disco
5   3   5  STUCK ON REPEAT
Little Boots
6   2   2  CELEBRATION
Madonna
7   6  10  BULLETPROOF
La Roux
8  13   9  THE GIRL AND THE ROBOT
Royksopp feat. Robyn
9  11   4  CRAZY IN LOVE
Antony & the Johnsons
10   8   5  LOSE YOU
Peaches
(more…)

Roxanne’s Revenge

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

“Before Salt n? Peppa were pushin? it and Lil? Kim was blowing your mind with her dirty bird lyrics, Roxanne Shante was blowing up the airwaves with her single, ?Roxanne?s Revenge.? She was just 14 at the time (it was 1984), and even though the song was a hit and her future looked promising, she didn?t achieve the same fame and fortune as the female hip-hoppers that followed in her footsteps. After some shady business (lying, stealing her royalties, the usual) with her record label, Warner Brothers, she realized that they were slippery bastards. By 19, she was a bitter has-been?a broke teenage mother living in the projects. But Roxanne decided to truly get revenge when she found a life-saving clause in her contract, which stated that the record label would fund her education for life.

Guess they thought a young, poor mother would never want an education? Wrong! Roxanne not only went to college, she went on to get her PhD in Psychology from Cornell, and sent the $217,000 bill to Warner Brothers.

The best story of the decade, possibly! Congratulations to Roxanne Shante, and one more proof (because we totally needed another) that record labels, as far as legit businesses go, are up there with the mafia.

Autumn Perspective

Sunday, August 30th, 2009

Summer is almost over.

It has rained heavily for the last two nights; temperature has dropped like Lady GaGa’s pants and suddenly my song of choice is Cruising For Bruising by Basia:

I love autumn, to be honest. I love the melancholic feeling, the dark light, the coldness that means I can again wear clothes more elaborate than a tank top and hotpants and stare out the window while rain is banging on the door, trying desperately to get in. In fact, autumn is in my top 3 of the seasons. (Spoiler alert: #4 is winter. I don’t do winters. I would pretty much love October to be followed by April. The only thing I like about winter is drinking mulled wine and watching “Lord Of The Rings”, but even the extended theatrical editions only total 12 hours, and winter lasts somewhat longer than that.)

We’ve had a gorgeous summer in Amsterdam, better than any I saw here before; hot days, sunny days, hot and sunny days (yes!). Beach. Tanning. Swimming. Loads of strawberries, rose wine, sandwiches with actual sand in them. It was lovely.

Bring on the autumn. I’m ready. (But that doesn’t mean I am going to boycott the remaining two warm days that accuweather kindly predicted.)

Tiny piece of genius

Saturday, August 29th, 2009

What do you do if your debut single is a huge megasmash classic, and you accidentally follow it up with a really shite single number two from a stinker of an album? Well, you do this:


BENI – Maximus
Geüpload door MaisonKitsune. – Bekijk de laatste featured muziek video clips.

Hats off to Sam Sparro. If only someone passed the brief to [insert the names of 10000 one-hit wonders here]. :(

(No seriously, now I’m excited for Sparro’s second album.)

If Ku-Klux-Klan used Photoshop, or Microsoft Poland whitewash a picture

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

As some of you perhaps happen to know, I am a graphic designer coming from Poland.

As more of you perhaps happen to know, there’s a story making rounds in the Internet of Microsoft Poland website featuring a digitally altered image where a black man has been replaced (poorly) with a white man.

A few jobs ago, so to say, I have been in situations like this one. Poland is an almost 100% white country; I would say that while in towns such as Warsaw there are other racial minorities totalling at best 1%, smaller towns and villages are 99.95% white. Most stock photography, though, is produced by Americans for Americans. Almost every time you see a group photograph from, say, Business Stock collection, it will feature, say, 8 white people, one Token Black Person and one Token Asian Person. No tattoos, no piercings, no risky decolletages, freshly pressed suits and shirts. You can almost smell Old Spice.

When my boss a few jobs ago approached me and told me to buy a business stock photo collection, I was faced with a task of finding the “whitest” one available. I honestly didn’t think my boss was being racist when he demanded that I do. And now that I read the comments to this altered photograph I still have a difficulty condemning the act as pure racism.

The purpose of using stock photography is to provide an image that people can identify and identify with. At the same time, it isn’t possible to always stage a photo shoot with actual Microsoft employees or office workers when you need to illustrate a situation. This is why stock photography was created — you go to a search engine, type “business meeting”, 4898 pictures pop out, you choose one, pay for it (that can be a lot of money sometimes) and plop it into your design. And then an intern in Poland gets the same photograph and is told to use it in the design as well.

The intern, or intern’s boss — I’d like to note I have no clue who the person is or who the agency is that does Microsoft Poland’s graphics — sees the photograph and thinks: this is very obviously an American group. It features a Caucasian person, an Asian person and  an African American person. There is no way in hell a Polish person will identify with this group, because there are maybe 100 companies in Poland — out of a million — that could have a meeting like that. Not because Polish companies don’t hire Africans or Asians. But because there are hardly any available in Poland. So the photograph gets doctored and published.

This is a daily occurence in this business. Photographs get doctored ALL THE TIME. Most often the designer, when they look at a photograph, don’t apply their views to it. They analyse it from purely business point of view: does this photograph enable our customer base to identify with it? Will it sell the magazine? Will it make more people visit the website? Will people buy the product? In short: will this do? Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t. And then it needs to get changed.

It isn’t easy for me to defend an anonymous Polish Photoshop operator and their boss against accusations of racism, because I do believe Poland to be a rather racist country. It’s just that I don’t see racism on this photograph. I see a crap Photoshop job that has probably been completed within 30 minutes because someone decided it would be quicker and cheaper than buying a different stock photograph with, so to say, less races present. In a country with 10% black minority I would interpret that as an act of racism. In a country with less than 1%? I interpret it as a misguided attempt at making the picture easier to identify with.

Microsoft have quickly apologised and replaced the photograph with the original. I believe it was the right thing to do. The offense was unintentional, and once they realised someone was being offended, it was very quickly repaired. There was no fat rep booming “who gives a sh*t about some black people, it’s not like we have any” which would almost be an expected (by me) reaction.

And now, dear readers, if I haven’t bored you to death yet, tell me — do you see my point, or do you think I am simply unaware of my own racist views?

Gym rant

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

First, as the non-googlereader-y of you shall notice, the design problem has been solved. Yay.

Now that the IMPORTANT bit has been taken care of, let me tell you something deep and personal.

My Austrian friend and me have discussed a few times a possibility of us giving up our careers a few years from now for a business that Can Not Fail — moving to Berlin and starting a gym there (because we know for a fact that there are not enough gyms in Berlin). In actually connected news, the gym I used to frequent has been closed and moved to a new location, which is a very good thing because it showed me how to NOT approach our Berlin gym business.

The old place has closed on August 7 and the new one opened on August 10. As someone commented, the thinking process was obviously “the builders said they will be finished until the end of July, but hell, let’s give them, dunno, 10 more days”. This will surprise and shock you, but today, on August 27, the gym is far from finished. In many, many unexpected ways.

First, the men’s locker room is in a broom closet. This would prove very amusing as a porn scenario, i.e. accidentally rubbing against hot muscular hunks in a tiny closed space, if not for the fact the guys who frequent that gym are on the wrong side of hotness, except for me of course, and that it is actually real life, not porn, hence tiny closed space has a bit less appeal than it otherwise would. The actual men’s locker will, of course, not be in a broom closet. It will be, erm, somewhere else I suppose. In one of the rooms that are not finished.

Second, the men’s showers that should be in the men’s locker room have proved difficult to move to the broom closet. But — fear not! — a solution has been found. In order to shower, a hunky muscular tattooed man (i.e. me) needs to pass through the corridor, then between the door of the ladies’ locker room and ladies’ toilet on the other side, through another dodgy corridor. Then the hunky tattooed man reaches the sauna, which a) bears a legend “this sauna belongs to dance club xxx” and b) is switched off. And then two very tiny showers are available. But that’s okay, because most people, once they realise they are bound to moon the ladies sooner or later, give up and go home to shower. No queues whatsoever.

Third, the equipment is all brand new and shiny. It’s just that what I expect from gym equipment is not to be brand new and shiny. It should be comfortable to use, safe and adjustable to any height. Instead the machines seem to have been produced in Asia — which is not a bad thing except I imagine average Asian men to be less tall than 184 cm, which results in me feeling like I am exercising in Gulliver’s gym when I am trying to do certain exercises. They were also produced for people who wear rubber while they exercise, so they don’t slide off nice slick plastic benches. I wear Nike sport pants, which gives me unexpected mobility from time to time. You don’t want unexpected mobility with 60 kg of iron directly over your face. You want to be very, very stable. Which is why the old gym with leather benches in a very forgettable shade of blue was much better than the new, shiny, slick plastic one.

The gym is at the moment available for free. It is disputable whether that is a good thing. You might say that they keep their customer base while slowly finishing off the rooms. You might also say that admitting “we’ve made a mistake, we’ll close down for a week and reopen when EVERYTHING is ready” would be a better idea. I am in the latter group. Except due to plastic slick benches made for people much smaller than me I am going to move to a different gym regardless of how beautiful the men’s locker rooms are once they open — whenever that happens.

So Broken

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Rrrrright. I upgraded Wordpress, copied WRONG theme and ended up having to pick a new one VERY QUICKLY.

Normal service will be restored tomorrow evening the latest. (Or do y’all love the purple theme?)

Other People’s Writing

Wednesday, August 26th, 2009

Ray’s Chart | Issue 835 | 2009-08-23

Monday, August 24th, 2009

1 2 2 ONE MORE CHANCE
Bloc Party
2 ! 1 CELEBRATION
Madonna
3 1 4 STUCK ON REPEAT
Little Boots

4 5 3 AUDACITY OF HUGE
Simian Mobile Disco
5 3 5 BOX N’ LOCKS
Mpho
6 4 9 BULLETPROOF
La Roux
7 6 6 OBSESSED
Mariah Carey
8 8 4 LOSE YOU
Peaches
9 7 5 HERE FOR THE MUSIC
Paula Abdul
10 ! 1 22
Lily Allen
(more…)

Me, me, me!

Gay, modified,
very well designed...
EXCITEMENT
GALORE!!1!