Great song, great performance. Love what Jake and Ana are wearing.

 1   4   2  IF I HAD YOU
            Adam Lambert



 2   !   1  A HAPPY PLACE
            Katie Melua
 3   1   5  FIRE WITH FIRE
            Scissor Sisters
 4   !   1  SOUND OF SIREN
            Major Lazer feat. M.I.A. and Busy Signal
 5   5   3  4TH OF JULY (FIREWORKS)
            Kelis
 6   2  13  INVISIBLE LIGHT
            Scissor Sisters
 7   3  11  TENDERONI
            Kele
 8   !   1  CALL ME
            The Pipettes
 9   6   7  BETTER THAN LOVE
            Hurts
10   8   2  UNSUNG
            Delays
 Read the rest of this entry »

You might have possibly noticed that I love Charlotte Gainsbourg, and my love for her was the reason I went to watch “Persécution”, her latest movie, directed and written by Patrice Chereau, the author of “Intimacy”. Which I have never seen, and so I wasn’t prepared for what I was going to see.

I actually confused Chereau with Francois Ozon. (Hangs head in shame.) I expected a pretty movie, and the fact that I read an interview with Chereau about it (still not realising it wasn’t Ozon) confused me further, as it didn’t sound pretty at all. It sounded like a dark psychological drama. And what I got was a slice of life, way too realistic to be enjoyable.

The movie was boring. I found myself checking the time every now and then. But despite the boredom, the movie was also amazing. And depressing. Because, you see, Chereau captured a chunk of real life. Which is, sometimes, completely fucked up.

There were four of us watching: my ex, my 18-year-old bro, a female friend who had her own share of painful breakups and me. My bro didn’t agree there was anything realistic about the movie; in fact, he made a distinct impression of someone who just watched a film about mating habits of aliens. The other three of us were very quiet; the girl even cried later. Because, unlike my brother, we have all seen enough life to relate to Sonia, Daniel, Michel and even “the freak”. We have all loved too much, been loved too much, we have all grabbed the legs of someone who didn’t want us and begged them to love us because we couldn’t imagine taking another breath if they said no. And we all survived, with scars all over our faces to prove our fresh toughness.

The people in the movie aren’t nice. Oh, I’m sure they are nice in CERTAIN ways — Sonia is probably very sweet for her workmates, Daniel is kind to the old people he visits (for his personal reasons, but I don’t think it matters to them why he does it, as long as he doesn’t stop), Michel is helpful and kind. But most of what they do to each other is purely motivated by egoism and fear. Each of them ends up hurting the people who love them. Each of them uses those people for their own purposes. Each has a fear, a complex that stops them from being able to be happy. And each of them is painfully relatable to. I wish I could say “oh, I’ve never acted like that asshole Daniel”, but thing is, that wouldn’t be true.

Apparently “Persécution” is a bad movie for Chereau’s standards. In this case, I am not sure I dare to watch “Intimacy”, which is apparently similar, but much better. I’ve found out things about myself from “Persécution” I didn’t want to know.

 1   4   4  FIRE WITH FIRE
            Scissor Sisters
 2   2  12  INVISIBLE LIGHT
            Scissor Sisters
 3   1  10  TENDERONI
            Kele
 4   !   1  IF I HAD YOU
            Adam Lambert



 5  10   2  4TH OF JULY (FIREWORKS)
            Kelis
 6   5   6  BETTER THAN LOVE
            Hurts
 7   3   3  WAVIN' FLAG
            K'Naan
 8   !   1  UNSUNG
            Delays
 9   6   9  THE FLOOD
            Katie Melua
10   7   8  ALL THE LOVERS
            Kylie Minogue
 Read the rest of this entry »

There are very few albums that I consider absolutely perfect from start to end, with absolutely no weak track in sight. Charlotte Gainsbourg’s 5:55 is a perfect example — I have, in fact, extended it by two bonus tracks, “Set Yourself On Fire” (bonus on deluxe edition) and “Somewhere Between Waking And Sleeping” (b-side to “The Songs That We Sing”) as the only fault I can find with such a flawless record is that it is TOO DAMN SHORT.

Madonna’s Ray Of Light has relaunched her career after (relative) failures of Bedtime Stories and Erotica, and rightly so. Among the 13 songs, totalling over 60 minutes, there isn’t a single weak one. In fact, there isn’t a single weak MINUTE. It is tempting to dismiss “Mer Girl” as an attempt at copying Bjork, but it is a successful attempt; Madonna’s voice is absolutely perfect throughout, and if there is anything to regret, it is that she never tried to make a record as good as this one afterwards.

New Order’s Technique is another great example: an album of 9 tracks, which pull off both indie rock and dance sound, both of them effortlessly and flawlessly. (For another example of the same feat, and again with Bernard Sumner on vocals, see Electronic’s Electronic.) There is not a single weak moment on Technique; it possesses a kind of magic that eluded all further New Order albums. It is very short — and absolutely, incredibly perfect. It is one of those albums I always wish I wrote.

There are many, many more albums that are ALMOST perfect. One of them is Pet Shop Boys’ Behaviour, let down only by the godawful album version of “How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?”. Massive Attack’s Protection ends with their live version of The Doors’ “Light My Fire” which can be accurately described as “whimsicle”. Marc Almond’s The Stars We Are is let down by the duet version of “Something’s Gotten Hold Of My Heart” which I suppose has to be included seeing it was one of his biggest hits, but really, Gene Pitney’s voice mixes with Almond’s almost as well as mustard with chocolate muffins.

Saint Etienne’s Tiger Bay, which is my favourite record of theirs, sadly contains a filler track — Shara Nelson-sung “On The Shore” — which is pleasant in a very good b-side sort of way, but in all honesty has no right to be included on a record so good. Texas’ White On Blonde would be so much nicer to listen to, had they not decided to include a somewhat off-tune male voice going “hold me tight… hold me tight” in the closer, “Breathless”, sounding as if someone put it there as a joke. Not a very funny one.

The Smiths’ The Queen Is Dead (I’m going to get in trouble for that one) is an amazing record. It is considered their biggest classic, and one of the essential, century-defining albums. Which it is. With the exception of “Never Had No One Ever”, which is a very long moan about Morrissey not getting laid. It is moody, atmospheric, sad, desperate, and mind-numbingly boring. “I Know It’s Over”, the previous track on the record, is moody, atmospheric, sad, desperate and incredibly engaging, due to emotion in both the playing and the singing; that emotion is missing from “Never Had No One Ever”, which goes for, excuse the pun, ever. Those are very long 3 minutes and 37 seconds you have to spend waiting for “Cemetry Gates” to kick you out of the “Never…”-induced coma.

Human League’s Dare… another classic, another era-defining record, another one that contains… something odd. “Get Carter” is a minute of irritating sinus-shaped noise. When Human League embarked on their Dare tour, this was played by stone-faced Philip Oakey in its embarrassing entirety. If it’s meant to be a joke, it is a very unfunny one, and if it’s meant seriously… oh god, that only makes it worse. It only lasts a minute, but it is, again, a very long minute.

Depeche Mode, who have also managed to record a perfect album in the shape of Violator, followed it up with Songs of Faith and Devotion. The druggy, hazed atmosphere of that record, complete with Alan Wilder’s legendary, erm, devotion to discovering the most amazing sounds and mixing them until they sound absolutely perfect together, is unfortunately weakened by the album’s fourth single (who? who chose that one? who hated the band so much?) “In Your Room”. My only problem with “In Your Room” is that the room in question doesn’t seem to have a window. The air in that room is stale. And oh my God, at 6:27 the album version drags forever, which was maybe the desired effect — what is it, a sonic equivalent of K-hole? — but every verse would have been made much more bearable had it been shortened by 8 or so lines of text.

I could go on and on, of course. But I typed so much I’d like some audience participation now. What is your choice of a perfect record — and an almost perfect one? Do you agree with my choices, or disagree with them? Let me know in the comments.

It is a pleasure to post an advertisement for an album when it is 1) an amazing album, 2) a very funny advert. It really isn’t an advert, it’s a rather amusing… something… featuring Amanda Lepore, Jeff Stryker and Kelly Osbourne. (Not necessarily in this order.) I say watch it.

(Note: this is the original mix of Wavin’ Flag rather than the godawful “Coca Cola celebration mix”)

 1   !   1  WAVIN' FLAG
            K'Naan
 2   1   8  TENDERONI
            Kele
 3   2   2  FIRE WITH FIRE
            Scissor Sisters
 4   3   7  THE FLOOD
            Katie Melua
 5   6   6  ALL THE LOVERS
            Kylie Minogue
 6   4  10  INVISIBLE LIGHT
            Scissor Sisters
 7   5   3  DIRTEE DISCO
            Dizzee Rascal feat. Daniel Pearce
 8   7   3  WOOHOO
            Christina Aguilera feat. Nicki Minaj
 9   8   4  BETTER THAN LOVE
            Hurts
10   9   8  NOT GOING HOME
            Faithless
 Read the rest of this entry »

 1   1   7  TENDERONI
            Kele



 2   !   1  FIRE WITH FIRE
            Scissor Sisters
 3   2   6  THE FLOOD
            Katie Melua
 4   4   9  INVISIBLE LIGHT
            Scissor Sisters
 5   9   2  DIRTEE DISCO
            Dizzee Rascal feat. Daniel Pearce
 6   3   5  ALL THE LOVERS
            Kylie Minogue
 7   5   2  WOOHOO
            Christina Aguilera feat. Nicki Minaj
 8   6   3  BETTER THAN LOVE
            Hurts
 9   8   7  NOT GOING HOME
            Faithless
10   !   1  COUNTERPOINT
            Delphic
 Read the rest of this entry »

As you might have noticed, “Tenderoni” has so far spent five weeks at my number one spot and is about to continue presiding over the top 30 for a bit longer. With that in mind, I have been expecting The Boxer with both excitement and fear: can the full set stand up to the brilliance of the single?

Spoiler alert: yes.

At mere 42 minutes and 10 songs, The Boxer accomplishes something that Bloc Party never quite managed: it contains no filler. (I shamefully admit that while I own all the Bloc Party albums and enjoy them sporadically, I have never managed to listen to one from beginning to end without skipping tracks.) All the songs are exciting and lively, even if hardly any of them is immediate; the album requires 4-5 listens to open up. This is a bit odd, seeing as there really isn’t much on it that couldn’t pass for Bloc Party songs; “Unholy Thoughts” sounds not quite different to “Hunting For Witches”, “On The Lam” with its amazing two-step beat and high-pitched vocal (that had fans, including myself, falling for the theory that it is sung by a woman) isn’t really that distant from “Your Visits Are Getting Shorter”. Yes, there’s very little guitar and a lot of soaring synths, but really, once you get over that problem (if a problem it is for you), you discover The Boxer is, really, yet another Bloc Party album, just better than they used to be before. You can take a boy out of the indie band, but you can’t take the indie band out of the boy?

A different question is: what is the point of this record? Kele suggests in an Attitude interview (accompanied by dazzlingly colourful cute pictures showing off a lot of toned, muscled Keleflesh) that he wants to be a “black, gay, edgy pop star”. Hmmm. This isn’t an album that makes someone a pop star. It’s very, excuse the pun, intimate and at the same time weird; it’s nowhere close to Britneys and N’Dubzes of today’s charts. (The lead single “Tenderoni” debuted at mere #31 despite being A-listed at Radio One — a far cry from the last Bloc Party release “One More Chance”’s #15 — and I am at loss as to what other song on the album could outperform it.) It’s brilliant, edgy, queer and definitely not going to make him a pop star — unless when you think of pop stars your first association with the phrase is M.I.A.

So, what is the point of this record? If it is to prove that Kele can do it alone, mission accomplished — it works perfectly. But I think that the reasons why this album had to be recorded are not completely musical; Kele mentions in the Attitude interview that one other Bloc Party member told him not to discuss his sexuality in interviews when the band was about to become big, and that has never been forgiven. And so, after kickboxing lessons, a haircut and months of celibacy, here is the result — and just like Viva Hate before it, the main lesson that comes from it is: he will walk tall, he will rise, he is stronger than he thinks, and the rest of the band can bugger off, for he can do it on his own — which is a sentiment that happens to perfectly encompass my own feelings in the last few weeks. As for whether anyone else but loners, freaks and black gay kickboxers will be interested, remains to be seen — but hey, it’s not like there really exists a better audience for any record than loners, freaks and black gay kickboxers.

Kele’s The Boxer is out tomorrow, June 21.

Oooh, it’s like a chain post. How cool is that. I hope some people will join. Charlotte Gainsbourg’s Q&A is here and it’s lovely, and here is mine. (Yes, I am bored. How did you know?)

When were you happiest?
When I was 22, and I broke up with someone, and it was summer, and a gorgeous sunny day, and I felt beautiful, young and free. Just as Meryl Streep in The Hours, I thought this was just the beginning of happiness and there would always be more; I didn’t realize that was happiness, just there and then. I never felt like that again.

What is your greatest fear?
Long, debilitating, painful illness killing me before I’m quite ready to go.

What is your earliest memory?
Drinking mulled beer with my grandfather when electricity and heating were off, and thinking it tastes absolutely gross. I was five or six, I think.

Which living person do you most admire?
Arnold Schwarzenegger.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Trying too hard.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Pretentiousness.

What was your most embarrassing moment?
Forgetting lyrics of a very well known song while performing on the stage at a charity benefit. That song was meant to be the centerpiece of my performance, and in a way it was.

What is your most treasured possession?
I don’t really have any material things that I would feel like that about. Data on my hard disk is the most important thing I have. I started making backups a while ago, and I can recommend that to everyone.

What do you most dislike about your appearance?
My hairline.

If you could bring something extinct back to life, what would you choose?
My youth. (Hello, Charlotte. Didn’t know you were as vain as me.)

What is your favourite smell?
Burning wood. It makes me feel 13. I would be perfectly happy to spend all evenings sitting in front of a fire on my own and doing nothing else, just staring into the fire and smelling it.

Cat or dog?
Cat.

What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Beer. I am an evangelist for healthy living and strict nutritional values, but I never met a Belgian beer I didn’t like.

What do you owe your parents?
Everything and nothing. I could write a book as a reply to this one and it still wouldn’t be enough.

To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
To my grandmother, who died years ago, and I never told her I was gay, because I was scared she’d either have a stroke or just reject me. So as a result I never gave her a chance, and that lowered her chances considerably.

Who would you invite to your dream dinner party?
is tempted to say Kele Okereke Arnold Schwarzenegger, Madonna and Mike Oldfield. People, who had a dream, and then made it come true, without letting their lizard brains stop them.

What is the worst job you’ve done?
Writing a book. I swear there wasn’t a point of my life since I turned 15 that I wasn’t working on a book, yet I never managed to finish one.

If you could edit your past, what would you change?
I would have moved to Amsterdam waaaaaaaaaay earlier.

When did you last cry, and why?
Two weeks ago, while watching “Rachel Getting Married”, I cried because her husband loved her for exactly who she was, rather for who she could become once he’s finished improving her.

What is the closest you’ve come to death?
I was in the hospital with hepatitis and apparently my liver marker values were twice as high as those of people who actually died because of it.

What keeps you awake at night?
Having too many thoughts in my head at once. Oh shit, I just finished having a coffee! Well, now I know what will keep me awake at night tonight.

What song would you like played at your funeral?
I used to have a whole playlist, morbidly enough, and now I can’t remember any of it. Let’s say “Together Again” by Janet Jackson for the time being. I like the idea of having a joyful song about death.

How would you like to be remembered?
As a very happy person.

Your turn, my lovelies, and please don’t disappoint me — I love you all dearly and can’t wait to read your answers!

• Miss Bartender
• Hannah
• Good Pup
• Shoebox Dweller (you expected this one dear, didn’tcha)
• A1 (you didn’t expect this one dear, didya)